February has always been a difficult month for me. I gave my speech at our Forest City Toastmasters this past Thursday evening on what is discussed in this article.
First of all, I am not sure if you are aware of these facts. 54% of nurses have been injured by their patients while on the job. 85% have experienced verbal abuse and 19% experienced sexual abuse or violence. Nurses get injured more than 15 times those of police officers across Canada. Bullying is also prevalent in nursing everywhere but especially with new Nursing Grads. 60% would quit after only 6 months on the job. Very scary statistics! I was one of these statistics on both accounts.
You see, I was injured at work on the Forensic Rehabilitation Unit (F.R.U.) at the St. Thomas Psychiatric Hospital on February 11th 1993 at 2020 hours (8:20 p.m.) Earlier in the evening I had completed rounds with another nurse and observed Wayne upside down on his bed. I suggested he might be more comfortable the other way round. I left it at that as I sensed he was not in a good head space. Later that evening, Wayne rushed into our nursing station where I was sitting and proceeded to stab me repeatedly in my chest. He also punched me numerous times in my head.
When I tried to get away from him by standing, I was knocked on my buttocks to the hard terrazzo floor. I was caught between the desk and the supply cart. My fellow female nurse, who had been sitting opposite me, not knowing what he was stabbing me with, knocked his knees out from under him. It turns out he had used an artist pen with a thick base and a felt tip. The tip of the pen was now at the end of the pen. If Wayne had used a regular bic-type pen he would have killed me. A patient pulled the help alarm and staff from throughout the hospital came to help.
During this whole ordeal it took a bit for my brain to connect what was happening to me! Time stood still for a moment. The next day I went to the police station next door to the Psychiatric hospital to charge Wayne with assault. In nursing, but especially psychiatric nursing, you are often discouraged from charging a client.
My journey to health took a long time and, in some parts, years. I had severe back pain. I could not walk my dog as his pulling would cause me excruciating pain. It was several years until I was able to run again. I was unable to wear a bra for 4 months due to swelling and bruising. I suffered mentally from depression and P.T.S.D. My psychiatrist worked with me for years. Antidepressants helped for a while until they didn’t as they caused mania. I could not take any antidepressants after that. Talk therapy it was!
I attended and testified at Wayne’s court case. He was sentenced to 3 years less a day for aggravated assault which he served at Penetang. I was horrified to learn that Wayne was being returned to St. Thomas Psychiatric Hospital. I would again have to testify at his Board of Review. My peers on the Addiction Rehab Unit where I had transferred were so supportive of my current situation. My manager however would bully me repeatedly until I got the Union and the Director of Nursing to intercede on my behalf. Dr. Swaminath, who was the chief of the 3 forensic units, had Wayne transferred to Whitby Psychiatric Unit. I was eternally grateful to him for this.
I can truly say that through my journey to health, this one event made me appreciate my life on so many levels. I slowly got better physically and mentally through Chiropractor, Psychiatrist, Family Doctor, Massage, Yoga etc. It was not an overnight fix. My friends, family and co-workers supported me over the years. My dog Dana made me feel safe in my own home.
I did return to work after four months off. I started with short hours gradually working back to full time. I dealt with my feelings of being in the same office where this incident happened. Physical improvements had been made to the Nursing office. Help alarms and TV monitors were implemented. I was able to get a transfer to another unit… the Addiction Rehab Unit.
I worked in this area (later named the Concurrent Disorder Program) for most of the last 18 years of my 40-year nursing career without any further incidents. I truly loved working in Psychiatry! I found that because I had gone through so many mental health issues myself, that I was able to be more empathetic to my clients. It did take me a while to not be looking over my shoulder all the time. It was particularly difficult if someone came up behind me, like Wayne had done.
Today, I am no longer hyper-vigilant. I forgave Wayne a long time ago. I am in the best health I have ever been in. Physically, I only have occasional back issues, but these are rare now, yoga has helped me so much. Emotionally I have rare moments of depression, but I am able to work through this. I have never been happier. I volunteer by giving Reiki to Wellspring members who have cancer every Monday afternoon. Forest City Toastmasters has given me a voice and I use this all the time now, not only for me but to help others to find their voices as well. I treasure my 6 grandchildren and the fact that I have been able to witness their births and growth. This almost didn’t happen.
Sometimes it takes something like this to make you appreciate all that you have in your life even the smallest of things. I try to be supportive and encouraging to other people as they travel on their difficult journeys. I never thought I would ever get to a point where I love exactly where I am in my life. You never know how strong you are until your back is up against the wall. Try to be patient with yourself as you heal. It may take much longer than you think, in my case years. Then one day you realize… wow, I feel really good!
Try to surround yourself with positive supportive people. Look for something everyday that you are grateful for. For me, nature really helps make me smile. My 13 birdhouses and numerous bird feeders bring me joy, as do our 2 dogs. Honour those days when you just need to take a break from everyone and everything!
Don’t stay there too long though! Volunteer, as it takes you out of yourself and gives back to you more than you put in. Most of all, celebrate every small step forward. You may have a few times when you slide backwards, however I am here to tell you that you can do this. Things will get better especially if your friends and family walk this journey with you. Never give up. Know that in the end an event such as this may be your biggest learning tool ever. I hope that by opening up about my major life changing event, that this may in some way help others to do so too.
