February to me is a month of many changes. Years ago, I got badly injured as a nurse on the forensic unit of a local hospital. At times in February I feel waves of depression come over me. I am reminded that my body remembers these events. Even today I have to work to maintain my physical health which had been compromised at the time of the injury.
Obviously, I have to listen to my mental health as well. I have learned to remember, and yet to forgive the person who did this to me. He was very ill at the time. I have also had to acknowledge that it has taken my body years to physically feel better as it worked on the healing. In a way I have had to forgive my body too for taking so long. Healing has its own time schedule. Patience is not one of my better qualities; however, it is something I have been working on. No choice sometimes!!
I was reminded by a fellow healer to remember that I am safe. To achieve happiness, I need to create a new outcome, not the same old story I am tired of! I am sure a few of you can relate to this right? I was also reminded to have some fun with some like minded women friends. Sometimes we get so busy in our lives, that we forget that fun is an essential element of it. So, I went out and had lunch with a friend yesterday. It was great to catch up and to just unwind for a bit.
This month I have also lost two people in my life. A sister-in-law on my husband’s side and a great woman I called my Aunt (honorary) whom I was named after. Neither of these two people I have seen in quite a while. My sister-in-law was there for us when my husband had major life saving surgery years ago. Though we didn’t connect in a while she was always thought of with love and appreciation. She had been ill for a couple of years and her heart just had enough. I thank her for who she was and the kindness she showed us.
My honorary Aunt was a major fixture in my life growing us. We saw her and her son often. By often it was monthly at times. She was the kindest, loving person I knew. She was always smiling, singing and dancing. Her joy of life was contagious. When she, her husband and son were at my parent’s cottage there was a performance played out. My Dad would be clicking his heals as he danced and swung himself around the oak tree. Joy put a lamp shade on and danced with him. I laughed so hard! She did that to people.
She remarried and lived in the U.S.A. for 25 years where she funded, then opened a new Seniors Centre. She and fellow seniors would put on plays for her community. Dementia after the death of her husband brought her back to Canada under her son’s care. Eventually she ended up in an excellent nursing home who truly valued the person that she was. She died peacefully this past week, loved by so many.
Her son had a revelation about her Dementia. Because of it she forgot her dear husband had died. She also forgot that her daughter had passed as well at age 37 years. Sometimes when we get angry at circumstances there may be another way to look at it. I know for me I was able to connect with the boy (my honorary brother) that was my friend growing up. Years have passed and yet wasn’t it just yesterday when he pulled pranks on me? We plan to connect our families this summer. It should be a blast.
I am truly saddened by all that has occurred this month. I also recognize that it has presented some awesome opportunities that I would never have had unless these had occurred. It reminds me to honour my friends and family every day and tell them how much they are appreciated. Yes, I will grieve for my losses, but at the same time I will celebrate the lives so dear to me. This is a balance for sure.
I hope that whatever struggles you are going through that you can look at the gifts they may be giving you. At first, they may not be apparent. My injuries so many years ago remind me that I am alive, that I am physically better than I have been in years. It makes me appreciate the life I have been allowed to continue. It also helped me to better understand depression, not only in my case but in others as well. Sometimes these gifts are not apparent for years. Be open to any new opportunities you may have in your personal journey.
P.S. My daughter is healing well after her kidney donation to her Dad. Thank you all for your support in this.