On Monday of this week I heard about the death of Robin Williams by suicide. To many of us, myself included, this came as a big shock. I was aware of depression and possible bi-polar disorder. Chemicals can often make behaviours seem like bi-polar. He had so many demons to cope with.
I worked in the Addiction and Mental Health Field for over 40 years. I personally know of the struggles people have suffered with. I have had my own bouts of depression as well. It can be difficult to reach out to people for help when all you want to do is go back to bed and ignore the world or any of the multitude of things that you are responsible for e.g. a job, children, meals etc. And yet you go on. In going on and following routines, often things seem better for a while. Depression may hit you from out in left field i.e. for no rhyme or reason. With help, I was able to get out of this hole and learn to love my life and what I do. When I began doing more of the things I love to do, instead of the have to do list, things got better. Often water or a forest would soothe my soul. Sitting at the beach and listening to the waves was so beneficial. Sitting under a tree and listening to all the birds and animals was therapeutic.
If someone is struggling with depression the main thing you can do to help is to LISTEN to them. None of the pep talks such as, “It’s a phase and you’ll get over it” will help. Truly listen to their needs. They may be able to figure out what they need, just by being allowed to talk their issues through. Suggestions may be helpful, but when a person figures it out themselves they are more likely to follow their own advice. It is important to stay calm. Calling 911 is only recommended if they start talking about suicidal thoughts and have a plan for this action.
Most people have felt severely down at times, and possibly suicidal as well. They are telling you they are tired of the pain. They may be frightened of their own thoughts about this. By allowing them to talk about it, you are helping them to express this fear. It may also reduce the shame they may be feeling. People don’t want to feel bad. They want to feel better and to escape their pain. It is so important that they have told someone. They may say that this needs to be kept a secret; however that is not something you should do especially if they are in danger. They are asking you for guidance. Find someone they can relate too. E.g. For a student, have a teacher or guidance counsellor be involved. A parent can be as well if it is not an abusive situation at home. The emergency room at local hospitals often have psychiatric assessments available.
Don’t forget the common touch. Often a hug from a friend will open the flood gates and a dialogue will ensue. Make sure you stay with someone who is overwhelmed. Laughter can often ease a lot of tensions. Remind this person of all their good qualities.
When someone talks about suicide, ask them why they did not do this. They may be trying to decide what to do and by listening to themselves say why they did not try it, will strengthen their will to live. Find out what is important enough for them to continue to live! Reinforce this and always show interest and caring about his/her special reasons. This IS their life-line.
Try to provide a distraction for them to get them off this merry-go-round. Do something that is enjoyable to them e.g. a walk or swim at the beach.
Spend time with them until these thought pass. Have them call you if they feel this way again, day or night.
I remember reading on Facebook about a man who lived by a cliff. He saved over a hundred people who were going to jump off this cliff. How you ask—He invited them into his home for tea. Through their conversations they were able to work through their issues and be more at peace with themselves. All it took was to listen!
So Robin Williams has helped to open up a line of communication where people can talk about mental illness. Thank you for that Robin and for all the wonderful movies you gave us, in spite of your years of depression. Rest in peace and know you may just have saved many people from a similar fate.
