On Being Judgemental
Have you had days or even weeks of highs and lows?? Projects you hoped would work out, but expectations exceeded actual reality? Well it has been one of those for me.
I believe that part of these feelings revolved around the death of a co-worker in the Addictions/Mental Health field. He was just a few days shy of his 60th birthday and in fact his memorial service was on his birthday, somehow a fitting tribute. The Chapel of Hope was full with friends/relatives/co-workers and those who wanted to pay him respect.
Tributes came from the native community which he had been deeply involved with. To end the service an outside drumming circle. I, along with 5 others drummed on the large communal drum, while others had their own drums. The beats of the drums became one. You could feel this rhythm in your heart, as it connected to all the other hearts there in the circle. A fitting send off.
Throughout this ceremony I marveled at the numbers of people he had touched in his quiet way. I would often wonder at times, just what this man did at work. At his memorial service I saw some of the questions answered. The lesson that came back to me that day was to look at how judgments are formed from perceived ideas versus actuality. A tough one to look at, but hey, life is all about learning. I am glad to have known him and to share some ideas around spirituality and indeed Reiki. He and my fellow peer and I, were instrumental in having this modality (Reiki) offered on our unit. He also was able to fix my hand made drum which needed some tightening in order for it to “sing!”
I had been given a swan feather by a close female friend/ past peer who had helped me at the time of my parent’s deaths. It had helped me a great deal. I recently returned it to this friend as she was in need, due to losses in her life. It had been a gift from this man! And so, ‘this’ circle continues. Rest in peace!
A former client of ours was there. His life had turned around and after years of struggle he was married and had a part time job. You never know in life just who you have touched, nor in what way. Our then inpatient unit was based on instilling hope for clients with addictions plus mental health issues.
I was listening on the CBC radio this week about some rehab programs which were very regimental. I was glad to have been a part of a former program that first and foremost extended hope to new clients, and a welcoming to our unit after overcoming their fears to get there. I believe that all people need to be treated with respect, and especially clients. No one has any idea of the courage it took for them to come for help.
It was saying on the CBC that 50% of the people with addictions had mental health problems and vice versa. It’s one of those questions—which came first, the chicken, or the egg. I do know that clients would state they would rather be an addict, than to have mental health issues.
I’ll leave you with this thought. If you have been, or are judgmental of someone, including you, is there a way to resolve this. You never know what other people are carrying that makes them behave in a certain way. Sometimes you find out that they are putting one foot in front of the other on a daily basis to survive. That may be all they have in them to give.
Perhaps we can help unburden their load, through understanding. I have mentioned this in a past ezine, but it warrants repeating. This one is for those who are judgmental towards themselves. Being hard on ourselves is one way to stay in resistance instead of moving into this amazing fast-flowing waterfall of Source energy towards freedom and fulfillment.
Just start from where you are and stop beating yourself up. “And don’t go beating yourself up for beating yourself up!” ~ Brenda MacIntyre
This month I want to welcome as my guest, my colleague and friend Lisa Fox Bail of Health Appeal. She works primarily with Moms who have had difficulty losing weight after the birth of their children. She works with the body, mind and spirit to help them achieve their goals. Lisa knows well what she is talking about, as she has indeed been there. She shares her insights with you on how to keep on track through creating balance by honouring yourself. Enjoy her article.
Creating Balance by Honoring Your SELF
While lying on a table during an acupuncture session yesterday, I reflected on my past week – I had ups and downs, periods of high energy and lows, times of hunger and fullness, and times of activity and rest. There was balance in my life, although not perfect, it was there. I have been getting better at creating balance in my live by learning to honor myself.
So many women struggle with the concept of balance in their life – they either go, go, go until they burn out and are forced to take a break or they have difficulty getting motivated to do anything at all. These same women typically struggle with an extra 10-20 pounds or more that they just can’t seem to lose and keep off.
Balance is dynamic, it shifts from day to day and moment to moment. While you may feel balanced one day, you can follow the exact same routine and feel off balance the next.
Why is this ‘balance’ concept so important anyway? Lack of balance can make you feel like a hamster on a wheel, moving your feet, but never getting anywhere. When you’re in balance you go to bed feeling fulfilled instead of exhausted, and wake up with anticipation of the day ahead rather than dragging yourself out of bed. You eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. You feel calm and collected instead of stressed and scattered.
So how do you create balance? By honoring yourself.
How do you honor yourself? Follow these steps below:
1. Listen to your body: Your body is full of wisdom – begin to listen to what it is telling you. Feeling tired and stressed? Your body is telling you that it needs a little more down time so try going to bed early for a few days. Feeling bloated and cranky at the end of the day? Your body is telling you that it doesn’t like what or how you’re eating so consider changing up your eating habits. Having trouble getting motivated? Your body (or in this case your mind) is telling you that you haven’t clearly thought through your goals or they aren’t in alignment with your current beliefs. The basic fact is that your body and mind are communicating with you and when you chose to listen to them and work with them (rather than against them), you will create more balance in your life and will feel calmer and happier.
2. Allow for flexibility: Honoring myself means that I recognize that I sometimes have periods of high energy and other times I have lows. Instead of trying to do the same amount of work (and by work I’m including household tasks too) everyday, I make a master list at the beginning of the week of things that I want to get done (meals to make, chores to do, etc). I work through this list as my energy allows. When I have high energy, I zip through the list, crossing lots of items off. When I’m not feeling as energetic I go a little slower and may only do 1 or 2 things. Note: I always keep some quick, easy prep foods on hand for days when I’m feeling kind of ‘blah’ so that I don’t have to put much effort in to dinner – that way I can sit and have a cup of tea and unwind while dinner is cooking.
3. Leave gaps in your schedule: Stop over scheduling! In order to be flexible and honor yourself, you need to have room in your schedule to just relax when you need to relax, to go to bed early when you need to, to have a weekend off, etc. You need time to just do whatever it is you want to do in that moment. With kids extracurricular activities, and the demands we place on ourselves, most women are constantly on the go with very little down time. Don’t fall into this trap of over scheduling, exhaustion, and unfulfillment. Have you ever scarfed down fast food in the car while speeding to a meeting or soccer game? If you answered yes then you know what I’m talking about. Allow ‘unscheduled’ time each day if possible – if this is a new concept to you then just start small, with a few hours on the weekend, and build from there.
So how does this relate to weight loss you may ask. I know that many of you are thinking: “That’s great, I’m sure I’ll feel better if I follow these steps but what I really want to do is lose weight.” Well, here’s the thing… if you don’t feel good about yourself, and if you don’t love your life, then you won’t lose weight and keep it off long term. If you don’t honor yourself you’ll never get off that hamster wheel and you’ll constantly struggle with your weight. Instead, start listening to your body, take time for yourself, and finally find fulfillment and everything (including your weight) will begin to fall into place.
If you like what I’ve shared here then you’re going to love the More For Less Expert Interview Series that I am organizing. More details here… http://healthappeal.ca/more-for-less/
Lisa works with busy women who are fed up with their weight and are ready for a complete mindset shift. She helps them get to the root of their struggles and learn strategies for losing weight and keeping it off. Her mission is to create stronger, healthier, more confident moms so that their children won’t grow up with the same unhealthy habits as the generation before them.
Lisa lives on a farm in Chatham-Kent, Ontario, and is mom to a 2 ½ year old daughter who fills her life with joy. She has lost 65 pounds herself, so she knows what it is like to be overweight and feel miserable AND she has also experienced the physical and emotional transformation that is possible. She believes that there is more to life for us all and that we can be happier, healthier, and more energetic – we just need to be shown the tools to get there!